I Let My Son Down, and it Broke Me

This is not for sympathy. I fucked up. I don’t need your “it’s oks…” Just read it, thumb it up, ignore, and/or keep it moving.

In my haste, I didn’t complete health forms so that my son could try out for his middle school soccer team.

We have been mentally and physically preparing for this try out all year. I kept asking him if he was ready? I encouraged him incessantly to leave it on the field. I told him that “the way you do anything is the way you do everyone, so make sure you ace your Math test, so you can have a winning spirit for your try out.” I told him that. I text him in the morning and wished him good luck on his Math quiz. He got a 90! I text him at the end of the day, only to see him return my text with a phone call.

He sounded desperate. “Are you OK?” I asked.

Hey Dad. Did you send in my forms so that I could try out?

Of course I did, bud.

Well, the coach is saying he doesn’t have a physical on file.

FUCK!

There’s wasn’t a link on the website for the physical. I completed the athlete conduct form, and the student athlete participation form, and made the assumption that the physical was on file.

I could hear the tears in his voice.

OK, bud. Let me figure it out. I sat there in silence.

I couldn’t figure it out.

He would have to miss today’s try-out. Luckily there are 2 additional days of try-outs. Of course my fear (and I’m sure his) … with such a competitive tryout process… is that the coach won’t take him seriously and that he doesn’t have the same amount of exposure to the coaches.

I found the forms on line, but the doctors offices are closed. I’m even more wrecked because I’m out of town, and I had to dump all of this on my poor wife that is already pulled in multiple directions in my absence.

I sat on the phone with my son in silence.

I am so sorry bud. We’ll take care of it and make sure you can try out tomorrow. It will be OK.

I’m not sure if it will be OK.

He says to me…

It’s OK, Dad.

He said it’s OK, Dad.

We sat on the phone in silence for about 4 minutes.

I am wrecked.

Anonymous Failures

I am challenged by how to balance being a stern and strict dad, and being a loving and kind dad. That shit is frustrating because I feel like society doesn't appreciate fathers in the first place. I'm struggling with my fatherhood identity, and sometimes it feels like I'm failing at it. - Anonymous

Anonymous Failures

I have great ideas, and zero follow through. Sometimes my inability to follow through makes me feel like failure. - Anonymous

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